About Counselling4Carers
 

My Carers Story

I grew up with a father who had multiple health issues and from the age of 12 I actively started supporting my mother in caring for my father after he had major surgery for cancer. He never really recovered, he had to medically retire and needed physical and practical care daily for the following 15 years. He was a strong, proud man and it was really difficult for him to accept his limitations. He refused to accept any external help, so everything including personal care and medical dressings fell to us. It was emotionally challenging for all of us, my father dealing with the grief of loosing the life he had, and accepting help from his wife and daughter for his basic needs, and for us to manage our own grief, sadness, confusion, frustration and how it impacted our lives. I was fortunate enough to be able to go to university and train as a teacher during this time. But after qualifying it was impossible to maintain a teaching career and look after my father, and support my mother, so I changed roles to something more flexible.

Four weeks before my father died, my mother had a stroke and although she made a really good recovery, she now needed me in a way we never expected or planned for, As the years passed she became more immobile due to widespread arthritis and various other health issues including COPD and eventually she moved in with me. She had another stroke in the days that followed which left her unable to see, so I became her full time carer until she passed away a year later.

 I lost my daughter relationship with my father whilst looking after him, I became his carer and that overtook our familial relationship. So I was determined to keep my daughter mother relationship healthy whilst caring for her so intensely, so we enlisted help for her personal care in the mornings and I did everything else. It was heart breaking and challenging and physically and emotionally exhausting but I don't regret a minute of the time we spent together.

However in the early days of looking after my parents I didn't have any professional emotional support, I was an overlooked young carer and into early adulthood there was no obvious provision that I could access. I found a counsellor in my mid 20's who helped me process years of conflicting emotions, and grief of a life I never had the opportunity to live because of my caring role, and gave me the skills to navigate my continued caring role. Thankfully over the years provision has vastly improved and as a counsellor I aim to provide specialist support for carers whomever they may be.